In a fit of enthusiasm and self encouragement yesterday, I wrote that I was a beautiful, life loving, committed, passionate, caring, engaged older woman. Having posted it, I walked down the lane in a blizzard of furry white flakes that melted as soon as they touched any part of the world (unlike the army of snow that moved in overnight), and decided it was all gobshite.
Fair enough, over the years I have been described as such by people who have loved me, but is it what I think now? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and is not important. But life loving? I love to enjoy myself, and tend to do what I love, (like most of us) but life loving gives the impression of one long happy wave at the world. That is not me (though I try sometimes). Committed? To what? Family, friends, a few principles. Yes, up to a point, no more than anyone else. Passionate? Yes, after a few drinks. Caring? Usually, if it is something I care about, but not at all if I don’t. Engaged? An interesting word to choose as I think this is the issue for older people…it is too easy to disengage.
So, I am sorry, I was not careful enough in my writing yesterday and I want to revise my older women characteristics. I want my list of attributes to be:
Devilish (I am reading Gorky),
Passionate (after a few)
Lazy (about things I don’t like doing)
And, I am not a finisher (I can’t think of a correct adjective). I always got that in those psychometric testing. Maybe that’s why I don’t like getting old!